"Love, Gilda" Movie is a Must See!

My Personal Gilda Story

Gilda Radner's movie is just out, “Love, Gilda.” Anyone who is into comedy MUST see this hilarious and moving film about SNL's beloved, first cast member, Gilda Radner.

Source: By Solters and Roskin (ebay) [Public domain],
via Wikimedia Commons

She was not only an incredible talent but also, an extraordinary person.  My story, when I met her, takes place at the height of her success in 1979 on a cold, snowy NYC night.

I was the opening act at New York’s Bottom Line for the Roches, a band that was on Saturday Night Live a lot. The audience was full of showbiz VIPs who schmoozed and talked loudly while I was onstage. I made some jokes about it to the civilians in the first row, but the big shots studio execs continued to talk during my act. And if that wasn’t bad enough, when I got offstage I found out that the club owners had let these VIPs in and kept my seventy-five-year-old aunt Edith and her family standing in the snow outside. I went backstage in a fury. A woman asked me, “What’s the matter, honey?” I burst out crying. She pulled me into a small backstage bathroom. This complete stranger sat on the toilet in this tiny New York cockroach-infested bathroom, holding me on her lap while I sobbed on her shoulder. “That’s OK, honey. I know how hard it can be.” When I looked up I realized, “Oh my God, you’re Gilda Radner.” At that time, Gilda was a big star on Saturday Night Live. She was there to introduce the band but took the time to care for a complete stranger. Gilda Radner died of ovarian cancer in 1989.

How do you want to be remembered? Sometimes it’s the little moments, when we take the time to recognize others, that we truly are a superstar.

The Number One Tip to Being Funny

Have you ever bombed when trying to be funny?  OK, if you’re a comic, or a speaker, you probably are going to lie, right?

I’ll admit it – even, I, the author of "The Comedy Bible" have bombed.  Yes, I’m been in that "no-laughs" misery zone that segues into that “I-know-I-can-get-them” desperation mode.

It isn’t pretty.

Here are some of the STUPID THINGS that I have done when bombing:

1. I start pacing. The bad news is that I look like a moving target. The good news is that I’ve racked up 3.2 miles on my Fitbit. 
2. I start laughing at my own jokes. How phony is that? Obviously I’ve heard them before.
3. I talk faster. One time I finished an hours worth of material in 15 minutes. A big problem when you’re the headliner. Now what?
4. I walk into the audience to do crowd work. Not such a smart idea to get closer to the very people who hate you.
5. I talk louder. Yes… a middle-aged woman shouting is SO much funnier.
6. I start criticizing the audience. And we all know how well that works when trying to get someone to love you. 
7. I get dirty. Right! As if talking about pubic hair while people are eating nachos is attractive.

So, what is the number 1 secret to being funny? It’s to NOT TRY to be funny. Every time I haven’t done well, it’s because I wasn’t into what I was saying. I was just up there TRYING.  “Trying” is not BEING..

So, rather than going onstage thinking, “I’m going to try to get people to laugh”; go onstage to COMMUNICATE your point of view, your opinions, your message. Even if you don’t get laughs, you still will have a purpose. And most importantly, going onstage DOING rather than TRYING will make you authentic, and even get you laughs.

How To Connect To Your Audience (Even After You’re Dead)

No matter how powerful, smart, inspiring, or hilarious your Message is— it’s ineffective if no one is listening. As a performer and business owner, your relationship to your audience is everything. It doesn’t matter whether that audience consists of clients, customers, web surfers, or even someone looking at your grave – if no one pays attention, do you really exist?

Just last week, at my NYC “Message of You” Workshop, I asked the participants to share the Message they would want on their gravestones. Your “Message” is your life’s logline— a combo of who you are and who’s on the receiving end (mourners, grave diggers, clergy, lovers who don’t want to spring for a room). At first, my students hesitated, awkwardly trying to figure out what they might say. Some chose the “keep on laughing” route, though no one said, “Dying is easy, comedy is hard.” A popular Message was “Care about others!” These are fine, if you want your Message to sound like a Hallmark card. 

So how do we come up with a global Message that inspires others while keeping our individuality? Walk through a Jewish cemetery and you might think the Message is already carved into the stone; they’re all the same. While trying to find my mother’s grave, I stopped seven times as I read, “Beloved wife, mother, daughter.”  Jewish cemeteries are notorious for having a pretty uniform layout and it’s not like you can say ‘turn right at the mausoleum and a left at the 6 foot statue of Jesus’. As I walked around and read what was on the gravestones, I wondered how everyone was beloved when we know what really happens at Seders. Missing was the humor, the last dig at your spouse, the sharp retort to the Buddinsky sister-in-law. Your stone is your closing number, summing it all up, an eternal Facebook page. Your life is your Message. If ever there was a place to put “The Message of You,” it’s on your gravestone!

How do you find that inspiring Message? The pithy wrap up? Your Martin Luther King Jr. moment?…  Writing a great tombstone is just like preparing a terrific speech. You should shape your personal Message while empathizing with your audience. It’s safe to assume those in a graveyard might be in a down mood, not dissimilar from a corporate audience. So, write your Message keeping in mind the audience. 

Given this, “It’s about them” philosophy, my students started formulating powerfully transforming Messages, creating gravestones that will be wake-up calls long after they are dead. 

Some of my favorites:

“I’m laying down but you’re standing up. Make something of yourself.”

“I told you I wasn’t feeling well. Don’t ignore that pain!” 

Mine was: “What are you looking at? You’re gonna be here one day. Get out of this graveyard and live!” 

Getting to take off with something like that makes dying -- to die for.  

You don’t have to put it in stone, but what would your stone say?