· Do you get nervous when you speak in
front of a group?
· Do you get tongue-tied when you’re put
on the spot?
· Do your brilliant ideas sound stupid
when you say them out loud?
· Would you rather have a root canal
than give a speech?
If you answered yes to any of these questions – don’t
worry: you’re normal.
Public speaking is scary. A survey taken by USA Today found that the number one fear people
share is public speaking. The number two fear is the fear of dying.
Meaning – people would rather that their parachute not open than to have
to speak in front of a group of people. (I don’t know what the 3rd
biggest fear is, but it might be slowly dying while you are standing in front of
people...)
If you aren’t frightened of giving a speech, take
your pulse -- you might be dead.
My introduction to stage fright was when I was 8
years old working birthday parties as a magician. Before each magic show,
there I was in the bathroom throwing up. Being a magician is scary. If I forgot
one prop, I would be publicly humiliated. After all, turning a glass of sugar
into a goldfish isn’t a great trick if you’ve forgotten the goldfish, or the
water the goldfish was in. I'm sure some of the children in the audience are
still in therapy over that mistake.
You might think that my fear has lessened since I
make a living from performing... it hasn't.
Actually, over time, MY FEAR ESCALATED as I became
a professional magician traveling with huge containers full of props. Then, my
worse fears came true when my tricks didn’t show up for a gig and I had to
perform without them. Many of you read about this in my first book, Stand-Up Comedy: The Book, when going up
without magic tricks pushed me instantly, on the spot, into comedy. I don’t
know how many other comics got their start because of United Airlines.
I’d like to say that not needing props reduced my
anxiety, but it didn’t. Switching to comedy, I just had myself on stage and the
never-ending worry, “What if they DON'T LAUGH?” Fears don’t entirely go away;
they change. The same thing could be said about THIGHS.
When I transitioned and became a professional
speaker, my fears transformed to this thought, “AM I A FRAUD?” My mother wasn’t
alive to do the undermining; it was all left to me, but I was good at it. “Who
are you to speak to CEOs, businesses, and hospitals?” I asked myself. “What if
they don’t respect me?”
Last week, I had THREE SPEAKING engagements and I
realized that my fear has decreased. No throwing up...no nightmares...no
compulsive over-eating. Well... 2 out of 3 ain't bad. I had to ask myself,
"WHAT CHANGED?"
What helped curb my fears was the realization that
they were a function of NOT getting something – approval, laughs, applause.
That IS a scary place to be. Because when you WANT something from others, you
are powerless. You can’t control their reactions. It’s why we have those dreams
about being naked on stage. I wonder what strippers dream about.
Unfortunately for the fearful, there
comes a time in most careers when people have to give a presentation. When
that time comes, the ability to speak clearly and decisively is an absolute
career must. And -- being able to state your position with confidence
lets you fully participate in meetings, negotiations, and debate. To be
on a career fast track, you have to be able to deliver an effective
speech.
If you’re so scared of speaking in front of a group
that you avoid it at all costs, you’ll miss out on opportunities to practice a
vital skill. As your fear grows over time, it can lead to a desire to not
call attention to yourself – and that can stand in the way of you being
noticed, rewarded, and promoted.
So -- how do you get over the fear of
public speaking?
The only advice friends will give you
when you have to speak in front of an audience is to imagine the audience
naked. To me, that seems like terrible advice. (Any time I’m in
front of naked people, the last thing I want to do is to talk.) Instead, it would be
better advice to tell you to try to understand the source of the problem.
Fear sometimes arises as your internal
negative voices turn up the volume when you try to do something out of the
ordinary. When you step outside of your “comfort zone,” fear pops up and
tries to convince you to keep safe by avoiding risks. But since success
usually involves risk taking, overcoming fear is a necessity to move ahead in a
highly competitive business world.
Fear itself isn’t the problem.
It’s the way you deal with it – or don’t deal with it -- that is the
problem. You might not even be aware how often actions and decisions are
solely based on fear. For instance, you might not go to a party because
you’re frightened to go alone, but you tell yourself, “I’m too tired, I have a big day tomorrow.”
This type of unexpressed fear could be
slowing your career advancement. You might be avoiding expressing your ideas –
both in speeches and in general -- because you feel uncomfortable about the
possibility of failure. But instead of facing that fear, you tell
yourself, “I can just send this out in a
memo” or “I’ll keep
this to myself – why rock the boat?” or “I’ll write my speech later; Housewives is on...”
When you experience fear -- remember
that brave people are not unafraid. What distinguishes them is
that they act despite the fear.
Judy’s five-step
program for managing your speaking fears
Admit your fears to yourself
Imagine yourself giving a
speech. Write down all thoughts of fear, impending doom, anxiety,
apprehension, dread, foreboding or panic.
The audience will hate me.
I’ll look stupid. My mouth will go dry. I’ll sweat profusely.
I’ll start cussing -- and won’t be able to stop. I’ll be so embarrassed
that I’ll keel over dead. And then I’ll start to smell...
Evaluate your fears
Now go back over these lists and cross
off all unrealistic fears. For instance, if one of your fears is
"dying" on the platform, you can X that out. More people have
died from clogged pores than from public speaking. Although giving a
speech might make you sweat and grunt, dying is not an option -- even when you
wish it would be.
Confide your fears to a friend
Call a friend and tell him or her your realistic fears. Fear loses a lot of its
power when it's out in the open. Fear also tends to shrink when you share
the burden with a sympathetic listener – especially if they have some good
solutions -- or can make you laugh. Maybe your friend will answer your
fear of sweating profusely by telling you, “Use
lots of deodorant and wear black.” Once we can joke about our
fears, they seem to go away.
Focus on what you’re GIVING the audience.
Focusing on others helps take dissolve
fear. That’s why I make sure that everything I say is AUTHENTIC and HELPFUL.
We’ve all been to an open mic with a performer who NEEDS our laughs. We feel
burdened - it’s an energy drain. GIVING to an audience GENERATES ENERGY and
alleviates fear.
BEFORE YOU SPEAK OR PERFORM – go over your
material to make sure that your message is FOR THEM, rather than FOR YOU.
Focusing on giving is likely to bring down your fear levels.
Take action
Fear is like the school bully who's
made you his target. You can try to avoid him by walking home a different
way, but he will always find you. Are you going to let the fear of losing
your lunch money dictate where and how you live? Or -- will you do the
scary thing and deal directly with the bad guy? Successful people aren’t
necessarily less frightened than you - they just do things in spite of being
frightened.
Don’t wait until you get over your fear to
speak. Do it in spite of being afraid. And
when you speak:
- Focus on your ideas rather than your
insecurity.
- Keep your speech simple by having one main idea that you
can say clearly.
- If something goes wrong – don’t
ignore it – joke about it. (“I
wanted feedback on my speech – I just didn’t realize it would all be
coming from the microphone.”)
- Fix a dry mouth by squeezing
your cheeks (preferably the ones on your face.)
And
finally, if you find yourself getting nervous, sweaty, and anxious -- stop --
take a deep breath -- look an audience member in the eye -- and wonder, “Is
that Victoria Secret underwear my boss is wearing?!”
