Some Day my Prince Will Come: Prince was my Prince

Opening for Prince was a peak moment in my standup career. He first burst into my life when I got a call from my agent to appear with this new singer-songwriter being described as a wunderkind at the world famous club, The Roxy, on Sunset Strip.

It was the late 80’s and I’d been warned by comic Ed Bluestone that a white Jewish comic (me) might not be ideal for Prince’s audience.  Challenged accepted! I needed a plan.

I got an idea.

I picked up my accordion and got to the Roxy early. Seeing people lining up for the show, I put on dark glasses and pretended to be blind, playing the song, “Lady of Spain,” over and over again for an hour. Some people were kind and threw quarters. As the line began to move, I could hear his hip fans comment, “Thank God we don’t have to listen to that crap anymore!”

When everyone was seated and psyched up to see Prince, the announcer said, “Now, opening for Prince is comedian Judy Carter.” I walked out on stage with the accordion and heard the entire audience exclaim in unison, “Oh shit!”

From that point on, it was a love fest between the audience and me. Supported by their enthusiasm, I was flying high. I didn’t want to end except that I couldn’t wait to tell Ed Bluestone that if there was actually a bridge, I’d crossed it and connected.

Later, Prince came into my dressing room and introduced himself. I was struck by how tiny is was. Onstage he’d had such a huge presence. It was obvious that he was painfully shy as he said, “Thank you for opening for me. You were really terrific.”

After performing more frequently, I learned that it was unusual for a headliner to watch the opening act, let alone speak to the underling. But Prince was unique – a kind, supportive, and generous man.
That led to me becoming the opening act for every African American act that appeared at the Roxy, including the Temptations, the Four Tops, the Manhattans and jazz singers like Clint Holmes and Esther Phillips. Those gigs were responsible for me getting a contract with Caesars Palace.

 Thank you, Prince. You will be sorely missed. Tonight I will party like it’s 1999.

How To Connect To Your Audience (Even After You’re Dead)

No matter how powerful, smart, inspiring, or hilarious your Message is— it’s ineffective if no one is listening. As a performer and business owner, your relationship to your audience is everything. It doesn’t matter whether that audience consists of clients, customers, web surfers, or even someone looking at your grave – if no one pays attention, do you really exist?

Just last week, at my NYC “Message of You” Workshop, I asked the participants to share the Message they would want on their gravestones. Your “Message” is your life’s logline— a combo of who you are and who’s on the receiving end (mourners, grave diggers, clergy, lovers who don’t want to spring for a room). At first, my students hesitated, awkwardly trying to figure out what they might say. Some chose the “keep on laughing” route, though no one said, “Dying is easy, comedy is hard.” A popular Message was “Care about others!” These are fine, if you want your Message to sound like a Hallmark card. 

So how do we come up with a global Message that inspires others while keeping our individuality? Walk through a Jewish cemetery and you might think the Message is already carved into the stone; they’re all the same. While trying to find my mother’s grave, I stopped seven times as I read, “Beloved wife, mother, daughter.”  Jewish cemeteries are notorious for having a pretty uniform layout and it’s not like you can say ‘turn right at the mausoleum and a left at the 6 foot statue of Jesus’. As I walked around and read what was on the gravestones, I wondered how everyone was beloved when we know what really happens at Seders. Missing was the humor, the last dig at your spouse, the sharp retort to the Buddinsky sister-in-law. Your stone is your closing number, summing it all up, an eternal Facebook page. Your life is your Message. If ever there was a place to put “The Message of You,” it’s on your gravestone!

How do you find that inspiring Message? The pithy wrap up? Your Martin Luther King Jr. moment?…  Writing a great tombstone is just like preparing a terrific speech. You should shape your personal Message while empathizing with your audience. It’s safe to assume those in a graveyard might be in a down mood, not dissimilar from a corporate audience. So, write your Message keeping in mind the audience. 

Given this, “It’s about them” philosophy, my students started formulating powerfully transforming Messages, creating gravestones that will be wake-up calls long after they are dead. 

Some of my favorites:

“I’m laying down but you’re standing up. Make something of yourself.”

“I told you I wasn’t feeling well. Don’t ignore that pain!” 

Mine was: “What are you looking at? You’re gonna be here one day. Get out of this graveyard and live!” 

Getting to take off with something like that makes dying -- to die for.  

You don’t have to put it in stone, but what would your stone say?

25 Websites to Help You Make More Money in Between Gigs

Yesterday, over 100 million dollars was made by people without a job. How did they do it? They had something to share. Remember in grade school when you shared your sandwich with the kid next to you? Well, there are now websites that hook you up with those who want what you have (apartments, cars, theater tickets, spouses, you name it), making helping others profitable. You can earn money if you have spare time, a spare room, or a spare tire.  

Now, when I travel, I stay with delightful people in their homes, use their neighbors’ car, and call on Uber to take me to the airport.  I also make money on the home I’ve vacated, renting it out through a service that does that sort of thing. I’ve gone from spending money on vacation to making money on vacation. I even found a great graphic designer on Elance.com and found my book editor from her Craigslist ad.

So, if your Kickstarter campaign didn’t turn your venture into Google, if you’ve aged out of the workplace, or you’re waiting for your big break, here are some ways you can take advantage of the new sharing economy. 

1. Airbnb out a room—Yes, ‘Airbnb’ is now used as a verb, just like Google. If you live in or near a desirable location (you can lie about your age and your weight, but this is harder) and have an extra room (or don't mind sleeping on the couch) you can earn around $100 a night hosting travelers. Minus some fees, that brings in something like 35K a year! (Also check out: Misterbnb (a gay-friendly take on Airbnb), VacationRentals, and VRBO). 

2. Walk a dog. According to Rover.com (ready to be your best friend), you can make $40 a day by dog-sitting. Take in two dogs and do the math. If you commit to 4 days a week, that comes to almost $17K a year. (Other ideas: DogVacay, Care.com, and Fetch! Pet Care). 

3. Do you look cute in a chauffeur’s hat? Drive people around. If you’ve got a full house, you may want to get out for a few hours and go for a drive. Why not get paid for it? Uber drivers who work just a few hours a night, five nights a week earn over $26K a year. (Check out Lyft and SideCar, as well).

4. Sell stuff on eBay. We all have shoes we no longer wear, sweaters we’re sick of, a fondue set or Turkish coffee maker we never use. There are folks willing to buy just about anything. Got a hobby? If not, get one, and then start monetizing it on sites like eBay, Amazon, Craigslist, Etsy, and Threadflip. Even the most unlikely hobby can fatten up your bank account. Someone I know fixes old watches and then sells them on eBay, bringing in up to $100 a week. I know another guy that made $20K one year by reselling paint-by-number kits. (Hint: People love old crap. The kitschier, the better. Earn some green for that spring clean). 

5. Help someone. Lend a helping hand and TaskRabbit will put some cash in it. This site outsources people’s errands (grocery shopping, housekeeping, repairs, etc). The user lists a task and others post bids. What you earn depends on the task, but even just a few errands a week could bring in $15K a year. FancyHands and Craigslist offer a similar deal. If you're great with kids, check out Care.com and SitterCity (I know someone who charges $25 an hour—IN CASH!) If you're interested in branding and advertisement, Gigwalk is a cool way to get paid for helping companies do market research.

6. Can you write? Are you tech-savvy? Got an hour or two to spare? Become a freelancer and earn money for your skills, without even leaving the couch (or putting on pants!) Sites such as oDesk, Elance, PeoplePerHour, Freelancer and Guru list 100,000+ jobs every month within a wide range of job categories. The best part is its flexibility: long-term, short-term, pay-by-hour, pay-by-project—there's something for literally everyone. How much you make depends on the kind of work you're doing, but even writing up a short blurb for a website can earn you $50 or more. 

Now, SHARE this with your friends and followers so they, too, can cash in on the SHARING economy!

6 Steps to Writing an Hour Speech in 48 Hours

So, you’ve got to give a presentation and you do what most people do—procrastinate. Right? I’m a professional speaker and that means I’m a pro at putting off working on material. You know how it is. You’re busy binge-watching House of Cards and of course, you’ve got to organize your spice rack—even though all you have is Lawry’s Seasoned Salt. And all of a sudden: bam! That deadline you’ve had weeks to prepare for is two days away. 

Last week, I got a big gig and in big trouble. The good news: it was a repeat client. The bad news: it was a repeat client—meaning it would be the exact same audience. It’s one thing for Prince to sing "Purple Rain" over and over again, but nobody tells a comic, “Do that joke about your grandmother and the sperm bank again.” (It's a good one, though.)

So, after a few panic attacks and martinis, it dawned on me—I wrote an entire book on writing speeches. I cracked it open, followed my own advice, and ended up writing a hit speech! (But let’s hope the client doesn't ask me back for a third time because I can’t handle the amount of Weight Watcher points in a Cucumber-Mint Martini. (Delicious. Ask me for the recipe.)

Here are the six steps to writing a great speech in a pinch:

1. Open with a story about a member of the audience. One of the WORST openings is, “Let me tell you a little bit about myself.” Boring! Who cares? Find out who will be attending and call them up so they can give you insider information about their favorite topic: themselves! Everyone loves a great story about THEMSELVES.

2. Tell them the promise of your speech, guaranteeing that they’ll leave learning stuff that will help them make more money, get healthier, or have better relationships. 

3. Establish your credibility by telling a story about how your techniques helped someone become happier, richer, healthier, sexier. Be as humble as you want out there in the real world, but on stage, don’t shy away from shameless self-promotion. Name drop that time you shared the platform with Hillary—unless you're speaking at a Tea Party event. Refer to your published works. “I remember this one time while having lunch with Oprah…” Again, unless you're at a Tea Party event. 

4. Guide them with your fab action steps. Give specific advice on how they can move forward. Give three tips and tell a story about how you discovered each of them and why they work. Any more than three steps means you’re writing the Unabomber manifesto. 

5. Give an emotional heartfelt story. Even if you are a techie talking about computer programming, you need to reveal something about yourself. Tell them that emotional story about how your first kiss lead to discovering PHP programming. 

6. Leave them with a call-to-action. In corporate speak, this is called "The Take-Aways." Give the audience a simple command to get their sh*t together. Don’t get too long winded with homework, but ask them to “imagine,” “think about…,” or “buy your book at the back of the room!”

Give your speech, sell your products, go home, and enjoy that drink. You deserve it! 

Get a free MP3 of How to Make Money from Speaking at Judycarter.com(link is external)

Join Judy at her NYC Workshop to discover The Message of You on May 2 - 3. More info(link is external). 

Should We Be Upset By Trevor Noah’s Controversial Tweets?

Trevor Noah is in hot water over a few not-so-hot tweets. The South African comic came under fire after Comedy Central announced he would replace Jon Stewart as host of The Daily Show. His offense: tweets that targeted Jews and women. What are your reactions to his posts? (Spoiler alert: fat chicks, Jewish chicks, and tight asses—be prepared to bristle. Proceed with caution.)

“'Oh yeah the weekend. People are gonna get drunk & think that I'm sexy!' - fat chicks everywhere”

“Messi gets the ball and the real players try foul him, but Messi doesn't go down easy, just like Jewish chicks. #ElClasico”

“Almost bumped a Jewish kid crossing the road. He didn't look b4 crossing but I still would have felt so bad in my German car!”

...Really?

I understand that when it comes to mass tweeting, they can't all be gems. And tweeting while drinking might be more hazardous than driving under the influence. Jeb Bush’s tech officer Ethan Czahor resigned (aka got fired) after people went through his backlog of tweets and found he had referred to women as “sluts” and also made derogatory remarks about gay men.

(BTW—at this point, how many of you are now mass deleting your drunken-attempt-at-humor tweets?)

But, should comics be held accountable when they push the edge of appropriateness? After all, we comics don’t have a HR department lording over us.

There was a time when nothing was off limits and comedy clubs were rampant expressions of homophobia and misogyny. Audiences now feel empowered to express themselves, as Jamie Foxx discovered at the iHeartRadio Music Awards when his opening monologue was booed. He’d gone after Bruce Jenner, who has been pictured everywhere as he is transitioning into a woman.

“We have some groundbreaking performances here, too, tonight. We got Bruce Jenner, who will be here doing some musical performances. He’s doing a his-and-her duet all by himself.”

“Look,” he added. “I’m just busting your balls while I still can.” – Jamie Foxx

Comedy is NOT about alienation, shock, or hatred. It’s supposed to be about laughter. And there is a basic rule to comedy—don’t tell jokes that further oppress people. So, a straight black male cannot make the other gender the butt of his jokes. Unless, of course, he reveals how ONE woman did him wrong and deserves ridiculing. The message is clear—joke fairly.

Richard Pryor broke the comedy race barrier joking about racism. One of his tamer jokes is:

“I woke up in an ambulance. And it wasn’t nothing but white people staring at me. I said, ‘Ain’t this a bitch. I done died and wound up in the wrong muthafucking heaven.’”

He could say that because he was black. Taking a dig at your own kind is not a punishable offense, especially in comedy clubs. If Jamie Foxx identified as transgender, the audience probably would have laughed. He would have been taking a dig at himself. Note to Jamie: not too late.

Noah committed the same offense by taking cheap shots. He doesn't fall into any of those targeted categories. American audiences are balking that he’s taking over our coolest show. We want to trust the new host and believe he speaks for us.

Note to all late night talk show hosts: knock off the misogyny! Honor the legacy of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, who made us laugh like crazy without offending women, Jews, or gays.

What do you think? Have you written some tweets that might get you into some hot water in a few years? I’m taking a poll—is it OK or not OK to laugh at this material?

Let me know in your comments.

Business Lessons Learned From 50 Shades of Grey

How I stopped being a SLAVE in life and empowered my relationships.     

A friend asked me if I wanted to go see 50 Shades of Grey. On my only free night recovering from a long work week, the LAST thing I want to see is seeing a woman dominated by someone. After all, as an entrepreneur, every day feels as if I’m tied to my computer, whipped by chores, pained by computer glitches, and brought to my knees by the volume of emails—each one screaming me into submission. Why would I pay to see that?

Source: CC BY 2.0

What I long for is to be the one on top of someTHING, which is sometimes better than being on top of someONE. I would like to dominate my inbox, get control of my escalating waistline, or maybe humiliate my dogs to stop peeing on my carpet. My wish is to be the alpha female, which I haven’t accomplished despite several rounds of obedience training. I can’t get my dog to heel or the people who work for me to do what I want, and I’m their boss. I can’t whip anyone into shape.

But, as I ranted to my friend of why I’m not interested in seeing a movie about S&M, I remembered a time, long ago in my 30s, when I was propositioned to enter into an S&M relationship and become a slave. No joke!

Because you don’t know me—picture Jewish girl, president of the 7th grade tropical fish club and 8th grade safety monitor.

Me a slave? This seemed a huge safety violation. I was a nerd. But, I was curious as I asked, “So… how does this work… this slavery thing?”

“Well… we all agree on what is going to be done, and then there is a word we decide on if someone wants to stop.”

And I thought, “OMG! You mean you actually listen and respect someone’s boundaries?”

After all, at that time in my life, I had let both men and women do things to me that I didn’t like, and I didn’t say anything to stop it. Even when my primary care physician inappropriately fondled me—I didn’t say anything. I just sat there frozen wondering, why he had to examine my breasts so thoroughly when I only had a cold?

“What kind of word,” I asked.

“Like ‘Blueberry.’ And this will be in the contract we would write together.”

“Contract? Write together?” I said, “You mean that we would actually communicate what we both want and write it down… with no attorney fees?”

“Yes! These contracts would include what we both expected of each other; what annoys you, such as hair in sink, how often we would have sessions, and a final list of offenses and the agreed upon punishment for each offense. Each offense will have a minimum and maximum number of strokes and a force level associated with it.”

I thought, “Wow! How conscious is this?” I mean, aside from the bruising of ropes, whips, and chains, I usually have been unable to tell someone what I want, yet, just like most women, I’m disappointed if I don’t get what I want. Don’t most women expect our partners to be working psychics?

And… I actually liked the idea of a defined punishment—just six slashes, and it’s over. This seems much better than someone dwelling on something I had done and punishing me for years and bringing it up in front of my business clients at a fancy party.   

I never did enter into that S&M contract. Black is not my color, and pain is not my pleasure. But, it did change me and help me to have better relationships. In future relationships, I got more in tune with my partners as well as asking directly for what I wanted and didn’t want.

“Judy—I need you to pick me up at the airport.” 

“Blueberry!”

I'd like to know—would you ever enter into a relationship like this?

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A Simple Formula for Getting Noticed & Getting Laughs

Whether you're a speaker, a comedian, a psychologist, or the counter person at a McDonald's -- there's one thing you can do to take all your interactions to the next level, get laughs and get noticed. Read on to find out what that is...Read More

Jobs in Show Business: Tips for a Career in Entertainment

The facts are grim for those hoping to break into showbiz. It was while I was on a panel called “Building Your Empire” for the SAG/AFTRA Conservatory that I found out ONLY 10% of actors who are in the union are working. Wait, I’m not done. Only 10% of those who are working are ABOVE THE POVERTY LEVEL. That’s good to know before you quit your day job.  Afterwards they provided food. It must have been a nice change for the participants not to be serving it.

SAG/AFTRA Panel "Building Your Empire"
(L to R) Scott David (CD for Criminal Minds, founder of The Actors Link),

 Ajay Jahveri (Argentum Photos),  

Jamison Reeves (writer, actor, producer, director),  

Judy Carter, (Goddess)  

Lee Garlington (actor, writer, career coach, phenomenal moderator),  

Gary Marsh (founder of Breakdown Services)

Fledgling actors in the audience were asking, “How do I get an agent?”

Well, if you’re just getting over the fact that getting into the SAG/AFTRA union wasn’t your ticket to buying a condo in Brentwood, wait until you see what happens when you sign with an agent.  I’ve been represented by ICM, William Morris Agency, Gersh Agency, 5 different commercial agents, 3 different managers, and have worked with over 15 speakers bureaus.  I once named my dog “Bernie,” after my agent Bernie, because when I called either of them, they didn’t do anything. An actor friend told me he came off stage one night and was approached by a commercial agent, who said, “I’d like to handle you.” That would have been flattering except the guy WAS his agent. 

This year has been one of my most successful yet. I've shot 2 television pilots, my screenplay is being read by producers, I have regular speaking engagements, and I do not have ANY exclusive representation except for my lovely literary agent and a few speaker bureaus.

If you’re like me, you might make the mistake of thinking because you’ve signed with an agent, you can slack off. That’s their job; they often slack off once you’ve signed the agency agreement.

Here’s my plan for BOOSTING YOUR CAREER and BUILDING YOUR OWN EMPIRE:

1) Create a database. (CRM – Customer Relationship Management) When I was an 8 year-old magician performing at birthday parties, I kept every client’s name on an index card in a recipe box. I’ve moved up from a recipe box to a computer, where I file away everyone who has ever contacted me. Just like in Game of Thrones, the power is in the hands of how many people are in your army. Now, your power is in the number of followers you have in your database, on Twitter, on Facebook, and on YouTube. I use SugarCRM. You can use MailChimp, or here is a list of reviews http://www.reviews.com/crm-software/.

2) Provide your followers with value. They want to hear how you can help them. Give your fans something other than, “Come see my show!”  Email them about things THEY are interested in (don’t assume it’s you). Think of yourself as a first responder for THEIR needs.

3) Network by supporting other people.  After your day job, get out of the house, stay off the 405 and other roads that don’t move so you can talk to other comics, actors, writers, and participate in the community.  If you come to other people’s events, they just might come to yours (it’s not true for funerals).

4) Become a YOUTUBE  STAR. DIY your own projects on YouTube. Build your team to create your own projects and internet content. Join together with actors, writers, and directors to show what you can do. YouTube sensation Jenna Marbles has over 13 million subscribers and makes millions. GloZell turned herself into a star with her zany characters on YouTube. YouTube is the stage you want to be on.

5) Change your thinking. Getting a call and being cast in a network show is as unlikely as getting hit by lightning. Oh, wait, that just happened in Venice Beach! But, until I find a new metaphor, I’m holding onto it as it’s the best way to say you shouldn’t think that waiting to be discovered is a productive step. Be pro-active. DISCOVER YOURSELF. Network TV is yesterday. Think about YouTube, Netflix, Google TV, where new stars are being discovered online. The internet is the new casting couch – where you’ll get hits, instead of being hit on.